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The Case of the Long Hiccup

Have you ever had the hiccups?  Have you ever had them so bad that they won’t stop?  What if you could stop them?  I can.  My wife hates it.  My mother looks at me with the evil eye every single time I do it.

Why?  Because, unless I am completely horizontal in my bed or on the couch, I don’t stop it with that gag reflex.  For some reason, I open the back of my throat and take in lots of air.  It really becomes the opposite of the belch.  It’s long, noisy and loud.

If I am laying down, I will get the normal hiccups, “hic, hic, hic, hiccup, hic, hic…” but as soon as I sit up I just allow for one long hiccup and its over.  Well, sometimes I belch afterwards because I took in too much air, but if I am in public I can easily control the belch.

But now that I know how to stop the hiccups, with a real long loud one, I can’t not stop it.  And what’s worse, now I feel like I am hiccuping more and more.  Sure, I get rid of them for a small peice, but later in the day I will do another one.

It seems to be timed as to when I am hungry or when I have just eaten and (whether or not I am full).  I hiccup more after drinking milk or orange juice.

But the worse thing is that it’s not sounding at all like a hiccup.  It sounds more like I am a large bird squawking.  I always feel embarrassed, but I can’t really stop doing it.  I think most people think I am drunk or recovering from a hangover.I love drinking Coke because then I can contain it (or hide it) with a belch, and it isn’t near so painful.

And what’s more, they are getting louder and more obnoxious.  And I just can’t help it.

My son hiccups all the time, “Hic, hic, hiccup…”  But mine is more like a “Hiaowwwwwwwwwk.”

Some people understand and just laugh.  I actually do laugh about it myself, but only when I am alone because my wife hates it so much.

I have tried to stop it now and again, but that just doesn’t work.  I feel like I will collapse a lung if I do.  My stomach just sucks in but there is no air.

God, my wife is going to hate me when I get older.  Heck, we are already in separate rooms.   I snore like a bear growling as he revs up his chainsaw to saw some wood.  But that’s when I’m asleep.  Everyone thinks I should be able to control this quirk.  And these long sustained hiccups are coming more often, lasting a little longer, getting louder.

I don’t have them for a while after I let that first one go, but now with them coming more often and so much more noisy, I feel like some sort of giant dinosaur bird in mating season squawking for a mate.

I have to agree, sometimes it is just plain inappropriate.  But if I don’t let it go, I have to deal with some extreme pain, now.

So, beware of the long hiccup, it’s a killer.  And can be quite embarrasing around snobs and other stuck-ups.  I sure am glad some of us have a sense of humor, though.  😀

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April 30, 2009 - Posted by | The Human Condition | , ,

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