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The Case of the Long Hiccup

Have you ever had the hiccups?  Have you ever had them so bad that they won’t stop?  What if you could stop them?  I can.  My wife hates it.  My mother looks at me with the evil eye every single time I do it.

Why?  Because, unless I am completely horizontal in my bed or on the couch, I don’t stop it with that gag reflex.  For some reason, I open the back of my throat and take in lots of air.  It really becomes the opposite of the belch.  It’s long, noisy and loud.

If I am laying down, I will get the normal hiccups, “hic, hic, hic, hiccup, hic, hic…” but as soon as I sit up I just allow for one long hiccup and its over.  Well, sometimes I belch afterwards because I took in too much air, but if I am in public I can easily control the belch.

But now that I know how to stop the hiccups, with a real long loud one, I can’t not stop it.  And what’s worse, now I feel like I am hiccuping more and more.  Sure, I get rid of them for a small peice, but later in the day I will do another one.

It seems to be timed as to when I am hungry or when I have just eaten and (whether or not I am full).  I hiccup more after drinking milk or orange juice.

But the worse thing is that it’s not sounding at all like a hiccup.  It sounds more like I am a large bird squawking.  I always feel embarrassed, but I can’t really stop doing it.  I think most people think I am drunk or recovering from a hangover.I love drinking Coke because then I can contain it (or hide it) with a belch, and it isn’t near so painful.

And what’s more, they are getting louder and more obnoxious.  And I just can’t help it.

My son hiccups all the time, “Hic, hic, hiccup…”  But mine is more like a “Hiaowwwwwwwwwk.”

Some people understand and just laugh.  I actually do laugh about it myself, but only when I am alone because my wife hates it so much.

I have tried to stop it now and again, but that just doesn’t work.  I feel like I will collapse a lung if I do.  My stomach just sucks in but there is no air.

God, my wife is going to hate me when I get older.  Heck, we are already in separate rooms.   I snore like a bear growling as he revs up his chainsaw to saw some wood.  But that’s when I’m asleep.  Everyone thinks I should be able to control this quirk.  And these long sustained hiccups are coming more often, lasting a little longer, getting louder.

I don’t have them for a while after I let that first one go, but now with them coming more often and so much more noisy, I feel like some sort of giant dinosaur bird in mating season squawking for a mate.

I have to agree, sometimes it is just plain inappropriate.  But if I don’t let it go, I have to deal with some extreme pain, now.

So, beware of the long hiccup, it’s a killer.  And can be quite embarrasing around snobs and other stuck-ups.  I sure am glad some of us have a sense of humor, though.  😀

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April 30, 2009 Posted by | The Human Condition | , , | Leave a comment

Falling to Sleep

Most likely, you aren’t like me.  Of course, that’s a good thing.  But that’s also why I feel like this is an amazing phenomenon for me.  And yet others, I am sure, are probably just like me…

Whenever I am laying on my back, I absolutely always have to fall asleep.  Always, without a doubt, at some point, I starting falling asleep.  But that’s a literal statement, too.  I actually fall to sleep.

Let me give you an example.  Say I start falling asleep and start dreaming that I am walking on the beach at sunset.  At some point, I will misstep.  I won’t see a hole, or I will trip on a stick or rock, loose my footing, and simply start falling over backwards.

I am always falling over backwards, never frontwards, and I always wake up, right away.  But once I have fallen, I can then snooze away, sleep long and hard, snoring and all.   It’s like a little ritual for me.

Of course, if I lay on my front, this usually doesn’t happen.  I don’t need to trip and fall into a mode of complete relazation and let go.  But I will often wake myself up as I kick my leg up for balance when I start out sleeping on my back, or either of my sides.

Sometimes I am passing the ball to my son as we play catch in my initial fall-to-sleep dream and I wake myself up as my arm jerks because I am actually following through with the pass.  Sometimes I wake up as I try to bite into ice cream.  But if I haven’t actually fallen over backwards, I’m not going to be falling asleep until I have fallen over backwards.

And I will fall as long as I’m not buried into the bed face down.

Sometimes it’s on a stairs, or falling off a swing.  And always backwards.

Kinda funny, huh?  😉  OK, maybe not.  But it is strange.  😉

April 30, 2009 Posted by | The Human Condition | , , , , , , | Leave a comment